im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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