ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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