he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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