Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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