I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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