I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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