I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
