I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
