Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
