how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
