Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
