Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
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Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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