Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
