Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
