How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
