You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize