If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
