too bad you live with your parents still
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
