Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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