at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
