just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
