Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
