Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
