areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
