"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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