alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
