No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize