if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.