I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We just shotgunned beers for America
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.