I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
