you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"