Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
accomplished twins. life is a go
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!