i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
