I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
