If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
