Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
