So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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