I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You made out with two different species that night
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
