after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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