We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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