Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
