Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We have so much sex to catch up on
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
