dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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