Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
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the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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