Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
