i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My vagina is officially offended.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
