He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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