You can't motorboat a personality
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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