We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
