I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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