Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
