i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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