New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
