i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
