im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
there is glitter all over my balls
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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