I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
