it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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