I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
