I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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