butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
