YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
