& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
