Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
