So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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