so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
