i would punch a child for taco bell
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
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Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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