I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
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